TeochewThunder

These are qualities which may be either useful or detrimental to your organization.

Made of iron. Rarely take a sick day. For a dude in his 40s, that's remarkable... or insane. (Things have gotten a little less insane ever since the COVID-19 pandemic.)

From the age of 28 to 36, I went an entire 8 years without taking a single sick day. This feat will never be repeated, nor am I crazy enough to ever attempt to repeat it. Now I am approaching mere mortality just like the average schmuck, and any prospective employers will just have to deal with that.

Huge geek. Rarely unenthusiastic about learning new stuff. The nice thing about web development is that there's always something new and exciting to play with. The bad thing is that we have only 24 hours a day to do that with.

Startup pedigree. 996? Pffft. That's a vacation. I've had worse.

Belief in teamwork. There's no point in being able to name the seven OSI layers or the difference between a stack and a heap if a programmer can't do basic things like code legibly or write useful comments.

The days of a solo superstar going at it in Beast Mode are over. Development is a team sport.

Ooh, shiny. I get easily distracted by all the cool new stuff that keeps coming up, and this prevents me from learning anything deeply. I learn what I need to use, and move on. This has resulted in numerous gaps in my knowledge that I am constantly plugging.

Blond moments. There are days when I chase dead ends only to arrive at a correct solution that lay in a direction I could have headed from the start.

Tunnel-vision. As a developer, I tend to fixate more on whether a proposed solution is possible rather than whether or not it is advisable. This is sub-optimal from a business standpoint.

Dryer than the Sahara. I don't drink. Ever. I've been told this makes me antisocial and uncool.

Creaking joints. Sitting still for long periods of time is a challenge.

Punch-clock brain. After 86pm, my IQ takes a nosedive.

Motivation. Wants to find new ways to add business value, as opposed to simply finding new ways to do stuff.

Those who can't do, teach. Is a certified WSQ trainer and assessor. Interested in knowledge transfer.

Expensive. Younger, cheaper and ~~more exploitable~~ hungrier developers.

Obsolete. Constantly needing to keep up with the rapid pace of tech evolution. It's fun, but exhausting.

A.I. The problem isn't that computers are capable of replacing humans. The problem is that employers think they are.

Stuff I get up to when I'm not working. Much of this involves creating things; either physcally, with my hands, or virtually, through code. Yes, I have a God complex.

I get that cardio five times a week. Running screws up my knees, so this is the only form of exercise left to me.

This keeps me sharp, and helps hone my craft. This blog is the product of that.

Years ago, I had a spate of bad luck where two companies I was employed in, folded in the space of half a year. To avoid being entirely idle in between sending out job applications, I made a tree out of old newspapers and toilet roll tubes. For every day that I remained unemployed, I added one branch.

This was inspired while watching Castaway. The wife was stuck in China during the COVID-19 pandemic, and I got a little lonely.

From left: Sharon, Rocky Jr, Rocky and Dwayne.

Every week, I host an English-language room on the Clubhouse app discussing Chinese phrases. Every participant is invited to share an equivalent of that phrase from whatever language or culture they are from.

To save you some time, here are my responses to very standard HR questions which seem to be repeated at every interview.

Where do you see yourself five years from now?
Short answer: Being a more complete developer than I was five years ago.

Long answer:

This answer may seem flippant to you, but let me assure you that I am dead serious. For over a decade now, I have invested a significant amount of time and energy in developing my skillset. It is not the most impressive skillset in the world, but I am constantly refining and honing my craft.

Snarky answer:

Where do you see this company five years from now?
What is your position on foreign colleagues?
Short answer: I learned a lot of my craft from foreign colleagues.

Long answer:

Specifically, I learned C# from the Burmese, CSS from an Indian and (very limited) SEO from a Filipino. I have worked under Chinese project managers. All of them were brilliant in their own way, it was an honor to be part of the team, and I can only hope I contributed half as much to their knowledge as they did to mine.

Snarky answer:

They also tend to be a lot more bullyable, which, let's be honest, attracts some employers like flies to excrement.
What is the lowest pay you will accept?
Short answer: Any sincere offer based on your budget, job requirements and market conditions.

Long answer:

If your offer is genuine and there's a significant challenge involved, I'm likely to gratefully accept.

Snarky answer:

Or I could give you a hideously inflated figure, you bargain me down, and we each leave the table feeling like we won. Your call.
Why should I hire you when I can get a foreigner for much less?
Short answer: It's an open market. You should hire whomever you wish.

Long answer:

If you are indeed so fortunate as to encounter a candidate younger, cheaper and just as skilled, you should waste no time hiring that candidate. Do whatever makes the most sense for your business.

Snarky answer:

If cost is your only metric, I have nothing but sympathy for your position and hope you turn things around soon. Preferably without my involvement.
What is the platform you are best in?
Short answer: Whatever I am using most at the moment.

Long answer:

Software development is a highly perishable skill. If there is something I have not touched in a while, the probability of me needing some time to pick it up again is exceedingly high.

Snarky answer:

The above is true for any developer. Even A.I has its limits.
Is [insert location here] too far for you?
Short answer: Unless we are speaking of different time zones, no.

Long answer:

I would be being dishonest if I said travelling time to and from work was not a factor, but it is exceedingly low on my list of priorities. Companies move; people move.

Snarky answer:

Culture and complexity of work is a key factor; if we are a good fit, you may be astonished at the distance I will travel for you. If we are a poor fit, across the road from home is too far.
Year-end bonus is at company's discretion. Is that a problem?
Short answer: No. I don't care about that.

Long answer:

My wife cares more about it than I do; it usually goes to her. That's how little I care about it.

Snarky answer:

While a nice fat year-end bonus is icing on the cake, there's no point if there's no cake. You know those pesky bills that arrive in my mailbox and scream for me to pay them? Those come monthly, not once a year.
You're ~~not married~~ and have no kids. How do we know you won't cut and run?
Short answer: You don't.

Long answer:

If that's what's keeping you up at night, rest easy. I am in the unenviable position of having to pay off a 25-year mortgage.

Snarky answer:

The above is no longer true as of several years ago. I no longer have a mortgage to pay.

Seriously though, exclusively hiring people who have few options other than to keep working for you, is a great way to ensure that nobody wins. The ideal is to try to hire people who have many options, and try to be an attractive option in turn.
Are you open to a contract position, or a contract-to-hire position? At the end of the contract, are you open for a permanent role?
Short answer: Yes.

Long answer:

A permanent role, as I understand it, is not guaranteed at the end of a contract. Neither is my acceptance of such, if offered. I think that's fair.

Snarky answer:

At my age, this is a meaningless question. Many of my peers died these few years. I could be next.
What is a professional's greatest virtue?
Short answer: Professionalism.

Long answer:

All the virtues in the world - diligence, intelligence, loyalty - count for nothing if one has the emotional control of an angsty teenager. Nobody works in a vacuum.

Snarky answer:

Also, buffalo work hard too. Dogs are loyal too. Just saying.
How would you describe your personality?
Short answer: Personality's overrated unless you need to sell stuff.

Long answer:

You are probably asking this out of a desire to know if my personality would gel with your organization.

I would respectfully recommend that you hire people based on competence. Just to be crystal clear, the ability to work with others is a competency like any other, and personality (or lack thereof) has very little to do with it. Honestly, you might as well ask for my Zodiac sign.

Snarky answer:

Also, I'm incredibly flattered you even think I have a personality. I am a programmer, you know.

INFO

Here's a SWOT Analysis and FAQ. It will change from time to time. After all, even software evolves, so why not software developers?

In the interests of saving time, I tend to be blunt, though I try not to be rude.

I acknowledge that this profile and its content may be a little too blunt for prospective employers. That's perfectly fine; there's a market for everything. Go find yours.

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