Teochew Thunder

Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live.

John Woods

Any fool can write code that a computer can understand. Good programmers write code that humans can understand.

Martin Fowler

If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.

Bjarne Stroustrup

Most of you are familiar with the virtues of a programmer. There are three, of course: laziness, impatience, and hubris.

Larry Wall

Intelligence is the ability to avoid doing work, yet getting the work done.

Linus Torvalds

Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.

Brook's Law

These are qualities which may be either useful or detrimental to your organization.

Made of iron. Rarely take a sick day. For a dude in his 40s, that's remarkable... or insane. (Things have gotten a little less insane ever since the COVID-19 pandemic.)

From the age of 28 to 36, I went an entire 8 years without taking a single sick day. This feat will never be repeated, nor am I crazy enough to ever attempt to repeat it. Now I am approaching mere mortality just like the average schmuck, and any prospective employers will just have to deal with that.

Huge geek. Rarely unenthusiastic about learning new stuff. The nice thing about web development is that there's always something new and exciting to play with. The bad thing is that we have only 24 hours a day to do that with.

Startup pedigree. 996? Pffft. That's a vacation. I've had worse.

Belief in teamwork. There's no point in being able to name the seven OSI layers or the difference between a stack and a heap if a programmer can't do basic things like code legibly or write useful comments.

The days of a solo superstar going at it in Beast Mode are over. Development is a team sport.

Ooh, shiny. I get easily distracted by all the cool new stuff that keeps coming up, and this prevents me from learning anything deeply. I learn what I need to use, and move on. This has resulted in numerous gaps in my knowledge that I am constantly plugging.

Blond moments. There are days when I chase dead ends only to arrive at a correct solution that lay in a direction I could have headed from the start.

Tunnel-vision. As a developer, I tend to fixate more on whether a proposed solution is possible rather than whether or not it is feasible. This is sub-optimal from a business standpoint.

Dryer than the Sahara. I don't drink. Ever. I've been told this makes me antisocial and uncool.

Creaking joints. Sitting still for long periods of time is a challenge.

Punch-clock brain. After 86pm, my IQ takes a nosedive.

Motivation. Wants to find new ways to add business value, as opposed to simply finding new ways to do stuff.

Those who can't do, teach. Is a certified WSQ trainer and assessor. Interested in knowledge transfer.

Expensive. Younger, cheaper and ~~more exploitable~~ hungrier developers.

Obsolete. Constantly needing to keep up with the rapid pace of tech evolution. It's fun, but exhausting.

Stuff I get up to when I'm not working. Much of this invlves creating things; either physcally, with my hands, or virtually, through code. Yes, I have a God complex.

I get that cardio 5 times a week. Running screws up my knees, so this is the only form of exercise left to me.

This keeps me sharp, and helps hone my craft. This blog is the product of that.

Years ago, I had a spate of bad luck where two companies I was employed in, folded in the space of half a year. To avoid being entirely idle in between sending out job applications, I made a tree out of old newspapers and toilet roll tubes. For every day that I remained unemployed, I added one branch.

This was inspired while watching Castaway. The wife was stuck in China during the COVID-19 pandemic, and I got a little lonely.

From left: Sharon, Rocky Jr, Rocky and Dwayne.

Every week, I host an English-language room on the Clubhouse app discussing Chinese phrases. Every participant is invited to share an equivalent of that phrase from whatever language or culture they are from.

To save you some time, here are my responses to very standard HR questions which seem to be repeated at every interview.

Where do you see yourself 5 years from now?
Short answer: Being a more complete developer than I was 5 years ago.

Long answer:

This answer may seem flippant to you, but let me assure you that I am dead serious. For over a decade now, I have invested a significant amount of time and energy in developing my skillset. It is not the most impressive skillset in the world, but I am constantly refining and honing my craft.

If you're asking because there's a senior position you think I might be interested in; at my core, I am a software developer. All else is secondary.
What is your position on foreign colleagues?
Short answer: I learned a lot of my craft from foreign colleagues.

Long answer:

Specifically, I learned C# from the Burmese, CSS from an Indian and (very limited) SEO from a Filipino. I have worked under Chinese project managers. All of them were brilliant in their own way, it was an honor to be part of the team, and I can only hope I contributed half as much to their knowledge as they did to mine.
What is the lowest pay you will accept?
Short answer: Any sincere offer based on your budget, job requirements and market conditions.

Long answer:

This is a bit like asking "how much can we squeeze you for?". My understanding is that I am expected to name you an inflated figure which we will then proceed to haggle over. This is unproductive, undignified and a huge waste of everybody's valuable time. There's no need for any of that; if your offer is genuine and there's a significant challenge involved, I'm likely to gratefully accept.
Why should I hire you when I can get a foreigner for much less?
Short answer: It's an open market. You should hire whomever you wish.

Long answer:

If you are indeed so fortunate as to encounter a candidate younger, cheaper and just as skilled, you should waste no time hiring that candidate. You're not a charity and you are under no obligation to feed me. Do whatever makes the most sense for your business.
What is the platform you are best in?
Short answer: Whatever I am using most at the moment.

Long answer:

Software development is a highly perishable skill. If there is something you have not touched in a while, the probability of you needing some time to pick it up again is exceedingly high. This is true for any developer.
Is [insert location here] too far for you?
Short answer: Unless we are speaking of different time zones, no.

Long answer:

I would be being dishonest if I said travelling time to and from work was not a factor, but it is exceedingly low on my list of priorities. Companies move; people move. Culture and complexity of work is a key factor; if we are a good fit, you may be astonished at the distance I will travel for you. If we are a poor fit, across the road from home is too far.
Year-end bonus is at company's discretion. Is that a problem?
Short answer: No. I don't care about that.

Long answer:

While a nice fat year-end bonus is icing on the cake, there's no point if there's no cake. You know those pesky bills that arrive in my mailbox and scream for me to pay them? Those come monthly, not once a year.
You're ~~not married~~ and have no kids. How do we know you won't cut and run?
Short answer: You don't.

Long answer:

If that's what's keeping you up at night, rest easy. I am in the unenviable position of having to pay off a 25-year mortgage.

Seriously though, exclusively hiring people who have few options other than to keep working for you, is a great way to ensure that nobody wins. The ideal is to try to hire people who have many options, and try to be an attractive option.
Are you open to a contract position, or a contract-to-hire position? At the end of the contract, are you open for a permanent role?
Short answer: Yes.

Long answer:

A permanent role, as I understand it, is not guaranteed at the end of a contract. Neither is my acceptance of such, if offered. I think that's fair.
What is a professional's greatest virtue?
Short answer: Professionalism.

Long answer:

All the virtues in the world - diligence, intelligence, loyalty - count for nothing if one has the emotional control of an angsty teenager. Nobody works in a vacuum.
How would you describe your personality?
Short answer: I'm a software developer. What personality?

Long answer:

You are probably asking this out of a desire to know if my personality would gel with your organization.

I would respectfully recommend that you hire people based on competence. Just to be crystal clear, the ability to work with others is a competency like any other, and personality (or lack thereof) has very little to do with it. Honestly, you might as well ask for my Zodiac sign.
What is your ideal job?
Short answer: A job I don't need.

Long answer:

This may sound like a nightmare for any prospective employer. Imagine an employee who works like he doesn't need the job?

But consider this: without the need to constantly appear to be providing value, without the need to constantly try to keep my job, I would spend more time actually doing my job. It really depends on where your priorities lie.

INFO

Here's a SWOT Analysis and FAQ. It will change from time to time. After all, even software evolves, so why not software developers?

In the interests of saving time, I tend to be blunt, though I try not to be rude.

I acknowledge that this profile and its content may be a little too blunt for prospective employers. That's perfectly fine; there's a market for everything. Go find yours.

My Profile