Posts for 2022

Several dangers lurk amidst the glitzy facade of the webosphere, and one of these is catfishing. This is a scenario where one person masquerades as someone else to manipulate a user into doing something foolish - usually parting with money or information. I was unfamiliar with the term (but not the phenomenon) until a friend of mine got hit with a particularly bad case of it.

At the time, I was an agency-contracted software developer, considering further education, struggling with my new role as a husband. I was being besieged on multiple fronts - professional, academic and personal. I had my fingers in way too many pies as it was. And thus I did not deal with this as immediately and firmly as I might have. Also, strictly speaking, it wasn't my situation to deal with.

How it went down

Over dinner one evening, this friend of mine told me he was in love. He had met this woman online through WeChat, and she was now his girlfriend. When he showed me a picture, I was impressed. Cute, great figure. The only question was - why would she be interested in my friend? He wasn't ugly, but appearance-wise, he was no hunk. He was in his mid-forties, not particularly well-off, and I had never been under the impression that he was especially charming. Indeed, I had been laboring under the impression that he was the archetypical 40-year old virgin.


Still, stranger things have happened. I was prepared to be happy for my friend. Why look a gift horse in the mouth, eh?

It was about to get stranger still, however. He told me he had never heard her voice "live", only through sound clips. And whenever he tried to video call her, she never picked up. But they spent several nights chatting away (via text and sound clips) into the wee hours of the morning, and he even serenaded her with his own singing several times.

So, I was supposed to believe that he hooked her with his singing voice? A lot less believable, but maybe there was something about my friend that I, as a heterosexual male, wasn't seeing.

Of more concern was the fact that he had never interacted with her live. In this day and age of deepfake technology, even interacting live isn't such a big deal for authenticity anymore. But not even having that? Fishier than the River Nile. The words of my favorite comedian Bill Burr comes to mind.

The Investment

As we spoke, my friend also revealed that his girlfriend (though I was having serious doubts about the veracity of that term by that point) had introduced him an investment site where he had already put in twenty thousand dollars of his own money, and according to him, he had already earned more than ten thousand off his initial investment. Now I'm no expert in that department, but that seemed like a decent return. Actually, it was positively too good to be true.


He wanted to send this woman ten thousand dollars of his earnings as a gesture of appreciation. This seemed like good news - at least he could draw out his earnings, right? He had already tried to send the money, and the bank had refused to facilitate this transfer because it fit the pattern of many online scams. Thus he was wondering if he could transfer me some funds so I could affect part of the transfer on his behalf. I declined, not because I was against him sending money - that was frankly none of my business - but because, in principle, I am deeply uncomfortable with anyone messing with my account. Eventually, later on, he finally managed to send the money, in three separate installments.

I had a look at the site. And then I Googled it. What came up was, well, more red flags. Apparently this site was being flagged for suspicious activity. When I pointed it out, my friend said that he was aware. That figured; he was a grown-ass man and he could do his own damn Google search, right?

My initial reaction

If you're anything resembling a normal person, reading this, your inbuilt danger alarm must be ringing like mad by now. There were way too many things about his story that stank. In fact, the entire story stank. It reeked like an open sewer. It sounded like my friend was getting in dangerously deep and needed a reality check.

But from whom would that reality check come? Me?


In all honesty, I chose to deal with my own immediate problems and largely left it to my friend's common sense to help him navigate this potential minefield. After all, it wasn't like I had any personal experience with pursuing online romances - what did I know, really?

Sure, I could have said something. Anything. I could have pointed out how ridiculous all this sounded. But would I be pointing out anything he himself didn't realize and didn't want to admit to himself? Would I be saying anything that his mother and siblings had not already been saying? Why would he listen to me, if he was already ignoring their counsel? With that in mind, would talking actually accomplish anything, or would it just be talking for the sake of talking?

I'm a software developer. What kind of software developer does something for the sake of achieving nothing? A fucking useless one, that's what.

No. If I was going to say anything, I was going to have to do better than just talk. I was going to have to present evidence of some sort. Thus, I wished him the best of luck and went on my way. I did eventually discover evidence, but it was too little, too late.

It would be a full three weeks before I got back to this issue. Life had gotten very busy at the office. I was drowning in the workload. When I finally caught a break, my friend sent me a WhatsApp message to excitedly say that his girlfriend was due in Singapore in six hours. I was relieved to see that - at least there was going to be some live interaction now.

At the end of the workday, however, things had changed. He despondently told me that there had been a last-minute change in plans, and she was not coming over after all. I can't say I was too surprised at this news.

One week later...

There was more news. I learned that she had completely disappeared. According to my friend, she was no longer communicating with him.


My friend told me that the site he had been investing in, had suddenly gone down, and with it, his outlay of twenty thousand dollars. Well, I reasoned, at least he had been withdrawing his earnings regularly, right? Erm, right?!

Nope!

According to him, that would have made less sense than leaving the money there to continue rolling for him. So he'd lost everything in there, and when he tried asking for his ten thousand dollars back from his girlfriend to mitigate his losses (this really made me roll my eyes, by the way), she ghosted him.

With that in mind, my follow-up question was: if he hadn't been withdrawing the money from the site, where did he get the money to send to his girlfriend?

The answer made me facepalm really hard. He had taken the money from his own bank account. Because he had assumed that he would be able to withdraw the money from that site any time he wanted.

Wow. The sheer fucking recklessness of this made me see stars. How had that seemed like a good idea? Now he had not only lost the ten thousand he had sent, he had also lost the twenty thousand that was his initial investment. Thirty thousand in all - which, coincidentally, was about the sum I laid down as a deposit when I bought my own place back in 2014.

Evidence

Despite all that, my friend was adamant that what they had shared was real. That she had been real. And he would listen to nothing else.

That was when something clicked inside me. I took the initial image he had shown me and did a Google image search for this. What I found made my blood run cold. The image turned up several similar images of the same woman. It led me to a Weibo blog. This blog belonged to an influencer from Zhejiang in China. As a matter of fact, the very image she had sent him, was a duplicate of the one found on the blog, with one small change: the Weibo icon had been snipped off.


His girlfriend was a famous local celebrity in Zhejiang, who was already engaged to another man.

When I confronted my friend about this, he told me he wanted to drop the matter entirely, and asked me to stop talking about this to him. And, feeling that my point had been made, I saw no need to belabor it.

Lessons this taught me

Just because someone is older than me, does not make them smarter. Quite the contrary, they can be easier to fool precisely because they think they are immune to being taken for a ride. When considering if someone is capable of prudent decision-making, it helps to consider the context. My friend wasn't stupid normally, but in matters of romance, he has had woefully little experience. This clouded his judgment, and ultimately turned out to be his downfall.

Do I feel guilty for my lack of action? No. Undeniably, I prioritized my own shit over that of my friend's, precisely because I trusted him to be able to handle his own shit. We've all got our crosses to bear.

But I do feel ashamed. As a tech professional, doing that Google image search should have been the first thing that came to me - not almost a month after the fact.

And I feel embarrassed. Some catfisher in China probably now thinks that Singaporean men are so goddamn easy to fool - using pictures of a local celebrity, no less! All she (or maybe even he) really needed to do was sweet-talk some idiot on WeChat for a few months, with a five-digit figure payoff to show for it. Now, if only earning honest money were that easy.